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My Body. My Mess

Today is my birthday, so let me start by saying I am grateful for this day and another year of life. My mother died in her middle age (too young in my book). She never had a wrinkle for crying out loud, but cancer doesn't discriminate.

As I get older, I am really struck with the tragedy of her loss. I always find myself reflecting on my mother's life. My life and my goals at this time. I reflect on what I'm doing well and what areas can be improved.



On the whole, I'd say my track record for accomplishing my goals is 50/50. My life goals have taken on new importance though. I've really been thinking about how short life is and the fact that I'm almost the same age as my own momma when when she passed.

My mother had a difficult childhood and adulthood. Her mother died when she was in grade school. Her step-mother was not kind in the least. Her father died when my mom was young. In the end, she was on her own. My mom would be the first to tell you that she couldn't wait to be married and have her own family. She got married straight out of high school (it was the '60s). Unfortunately, her choice in life partner was lousy. Her husband/my father was a selfish jerk. He abandoned us. Not only did he abandon her. He stole from her/us on the way out the door. He left my mom with four kids under 10, penniless and destitute. Upon hearing the news, my mother's step-mother actually suggested she give all of us kids up for adoption and start over. My mother, who never had a family of her own would hear no such thing. She cut off ties with her step-mother. Through sheer determination, my mother moved across country to a place with better job prospects by herself. She managed to keep us sheltered and fed. Her life was unbelievably stressful and I personally believe the stress contributed to the development of cancer. Her life got better in so many ways, but my mom never made her own health a priority. She paid the ultimate price for it too.

As I mentioned before, I'm creeping up on middle age and suddenly aware of the fact that I'm almost the same age as my own momma at time of her death.

My looming birthday has caused me to really think about how different my life is than hers. One area we have in common though is obesity. After spending most of my life as fit, but curvy girl I have slid into the obese category. For me it started with pregnancy 8 years ago. A healthy 30lb baby weight gain  + post-partum depression. I coped with the baby blues and a miscarriage by eating..and eating. I like to say that I came out of a fog about 5 years later and didn't recognize my own body. While losing weight is always difficult, its been incredibly challenging for me as I approached 40 and my metabolism slowed down.

Where do things stand today? Definitely not any better. I've spent the past 2 years trying to convince myself that a) I love my curves and b) An ever expanding waistline is just a normal part of aging. Truth is that its a lie.I loved my size 10 curves, which was a healthy weight for my body. I'm now a size 18 and my body literally aches.

Not so long ago, I told my family doctor that I feel like my body is yelling, "WHOA! PAY ATTENTION! MISERABLE" at me. It was at that moment my doctor with zero bedside manner and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting where he told me about the realities of being fat and (age) forty. Literally. He looked at my charts. Checked my blood pressure, sat down and started telling me about what lies ahead.

After the appointment, I returned to my car and cried. I've got a good 70+ lbs to lose and it feels overwhelming. After a 2 year pity party, I've decided that I and only I can change this. There is no magic pill for me. I must change my daily habits.


  • First, acknowledging that I got myself in this mess one day at a time. I will only get myself out of it one day at a time.
  • Second, I'm going to focus on this journey in 10lb increments. It feel more manageable. 
  • Three, I will make my own health my priority by:
    • Eat mostly whole foods that nurture my body
    • Make exercise a part of every day
    • Less reality TV and more books
    • Refined sugars rarely
    •  Bye, Bye salt


Moving forward you will see me sharing one thing I'm doing to improve my health each week.

Step one is exercise. Presently I am a homemaker. A gym membership is NOT in our budget. That means I have to do this low cost. I've found all my exercise DVDs, I pulled out my FitBit and made sure the stationary bike in the garage is ready for use. I'm setting up a monthly chart to track my exercise goals.

Step two is educating myself. To that end, I went to the library and picked up some books on nutrition and goal setting that I've been wanting to read. I also looked around my community for resources. I found some yoga groups on Meetup. I also enrolled in a six-week workshop called, "Healthy Living" at my local library. We're currently on Week 5 and I can only describe it as awesome! I, along with a group of other residents from my community meet weekly to discuss a variety of topics including stress, nutrition and exercise. Its a combination lifestyle expert + nutrition counseling + therapy + book club. Setting aside time to think about what "healthy living" means to you has been amazing. You must pre-register, but the workshop is free to San Mateo County residents. Want to learn more or enroll in an upcoming session? Check out the San Mateo County Health Department.

Since I began attending the weekly sessions I've been much more mindful about what I eat and how much I exercise. Like many women, I've started and failed at dieting about 50 times over. I start off motivated, but always quit after the scale doesn't move. This workshop has reminded me the importance of choosing realistic goals and planning for successful execution. Little things like actually scheduling the time to exercise. Planning my meals in advance, etc.

Next week I'll be sure to update you on my progress.

What do you do to maintain your health each day? Be sure to leave your ideas and tips in the Comments. I'd love to hear from you!

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